Another Naruto High School Story
by Kisara the Angel of Music
Summary: AU In Konoha High nothing's easy. Sasuke writes emo poetry, Naruto's scared of a creepy gym teacher and Sakura is romatically confused. Not to mention their acting teacher wants everyone to wear spandex to 'experience' their roles.
1. Chapter 1

Another Naruto High School Story

Written By: Kisara the Angel of Music

Disclaimer: I own nothing presented in this fanfic nor am I making any profit from it.

Note: I want to credit two things which I've borrowed before I start this. One is the form of the chapter titles, which is based off of Patricia C. Wrede's work. A lot of other authors do it as well, but I first found it in her books. Also, the narration with Kiba and Naruto was slightly borrowed from the car racing scene from the movie _Better Off Dead_. With the Japanese endings to names (chan, san, kun etc.)... I only bothered to keep in 'sensei' as they don't sound right without it. None of the others are apparent.

Also, there are about a hundred other fics of this same premise in the Naruto section alone (thus the title) and I've only read a few of them. If any of my ideas overlap with someone else's, I'm truly sorry but it was completely unintentional as I am completely opposed to plagiarism.

Chapter One: In Which Sakura Reads Shakespeare and Sasuke Writes Emo Poetry

---------- English Class

"For never was there a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo," concluded Sakura to her teary eyed classmates. Well, two were teary eyed at least. Lee because his longtime crush had just read aloud Shakespeare with such youthful exuberance and Naruto because Lee had stabbed him with a pencil whenever he'd burped at the 'mushy parts'.

"Bravo Sakura!" cheered Iruka, the sophomore class English teacher. A hint of pink spread across her face as she took her seat once more. "Now," he stated, wanting to get his class back on topic. "In case you're wondering why I had Sakura read aloud a segment of Shakespeare, it was requested by your acting teacher-" but before he could finish, the classroom door was knocked off its hinges and flung across the room by a rather odd intruder.

"The great and youthful Gai-sensei!" he shouted, striking a pose.

Iruka stared at the damage done, knowing that it would somehow manage to come out of his paycheck. Incredulous, he asked "Were you waiting outside the door this entire period?"

Rubbing his chin, Gai assumed a different position, this one more serious and insightful. "Iruka, when you reach a position of such importance as mine, you'll understand just how much impact a great entrance has."

A single sweat drop fell down the back of Iruka's head. "I see you're not denying it. In any case, I was referring towards the fact that you have class right now, no?"

"Ah, but the hip Jiraiya has kindly filled in for me!" answered Gai after performing his standard 'Nice Guy' stance.

---------- Acting Class

"Now watch closely class. See those two girls? That's what I like to call 'effective use of toys'," Jiraiya said, pointing to the TV set.

One freshman boy who will be unapparent after this point and thus unnamed, raised his quivering hand. "But... Jiraiya-sensei, isn't this just porn?"

Appalled, Jiraiya put on his angry face and lifted his fist high. "Just porn? _Just _porn? No! My dear boy, this is much more than porn, this is ART! Now be quiet, here's where they bring in the cheerleaders."

---------- English Class

"I... see," replied Iruka. "Well, since you're here, perhaps you'd like to explain to the students what's going on."

"To be granted a task of such awe-inspiring proportions, I'd be delighted! Ahem," he coughed, preparing to project his manly theater voice. "This year's sophomore class of Konoha High shall be performing none other than- Drum roll please."

Rock Lee, both Gai's favorite student and suspected clone, eagerly complied. However, in order to express the sheer dramatic intensity of the moment, he went off for five minutes straight into what sounded suspiciously like Beethoven's fifth.

Finally, after finding a short pause in Lee's drum solo, Gai quickly jumbled together "Thephantomoftheopera."

"What?" asked Naruto, waking up from his brief nap.

"I said, this year's play will be none other than Andrew Lloyd Webber's masterpiece, _The Phantom of the Opera_!"

"Then why did we just waste half of English reading Shakespeare?" mumbled Shikamaru. "How troublesome."

"Quiet!" yelled Gai as he threw an eraser at Shikamaru's head. "Let me explain my genius! In Iruka's class you'll be exploring the characters of Leroux's novel, while experiencing those same parts in mine. Now, 'why _Romeo and Juliet_?' you may ask. Simple, both stories share the same theme: love among youth."

"No they don't," countered Tenten. "For one thing, _The Phantom of the Opera _was originally classified as a horror and _Romeo and Juliet _as a tragedy. Neither were romances. Plus, the actual Phantom was in his fifties, hardly what you'd call youthful-"

"Neh!" Gai interrupted. "It's obvious you need to further educate these kids on themes, Iruka."

"But... You're wrong!"Tenten continued, not realizing how futile it was to try and teach Gai common sense. Iruka sighed at this. They _had _been planning to teach _Romeo and Juliet_. It was clear that Gai had just changed his mind at the last minute and was trying to make excuses.

Ignoring her second outburst, he turned to his coworker. "But I digress. It is time for me to return to my class. Until we meet again!" With that, Gai skipped outside and bounded down the hall. His singing could still be heard from far away.

Just as Iruka was about to open his mouth to give them their homework assignments the bell rang, leaving Naruto and Kiba to give their daily display.

"WHOO! Lunch!" screamed Naruto as he jumped on top of his desk, lost his balance and toppled the entire thing over, thus getting tangled up in the mess.

"Loser!" pointed Kiba who then pounded over to the gaping hole in the wall. "Last one there buys the whole table sodas!"

And the race was on.

"In his mad dash across the hall, Kiba doesn't see that other door about to open. Ouch! He's skidded into it! Now, Naruto's making up for lost time and is running ahead. But wait! He's turned around to taunt Kiba with a merciless round of 'Nyah nyah nyah's and doesn't see the 'Wet Floor' sign.

"It's a sight to be seen folks as he's slipping across the floor in a manner that can only be described as a graceful rampant. His crashing into various members of the faculty has caused papers to fly everywhere, yet all the while he's remained upright. And Kiba makes a comeback! He's climbed onto the back of an unsuspecting freshman, using him as a sort of surfboard to gain extra speed.

"Uh-oh, Tsunade-sensei does _not _look happy! What's this? She's telling him to stop? But- oh that's gotta hurt. It seems Kiba grabbed onto Naruto and they both spun out of control, each slamming into opposite sides of the hallway. I'd hate to be them when their parents find out. Now- wait a second! Just when we thought all was over Chouji takes the lead! Slow and steady wins the race, eh?"

Tenten looked at Neji quizzically. "How is it for these same five minutes every day you get so out of character?"

Neji shrugged, his 'I'm too sexy for your party' demeanor restored. "Someone has to narrate."

---------- The Cafeteria

After a severe session of scolding and 'You two can't bear to lose any more brain cells's, Kiba and Naruto joined the rest of the gang for lunch. Every day to fit everyone in they bunched three tables together, much to the chagrin of the janitor.

"So what's new?" asked Naruto whilst he began to slurp down his customary seven bowls of ramen. He had sat down next to Sasuke who was crunched up on the floor in the corner (chairs were too conforming), writing feverishly in his notebook.

He looked up, though it was hard to tell through the large amounts of hastily applied eyeliner. "I'm writing poetry. It's not like you'd understand it. No one ever understands." That being said, he continued to work on his 'angst outlet' as Shikamaru had nicknamed it.

"All right then... weirdo. Hey!" he suddenly exclaimed after looking around. "Where are all the girls?"

Shino glanced up from his book and answered, "They've gone to the bathroom to discuss. Things." He gave Sasuke a meaningful look. Oblivious to it, Naruto grinned.

"Probably talking about how hott they think I am. Yeah, any day now Sakura's gonna come around and ask me out. Yup. I'll be waiting."

"Delusion. Unrequited love. It's perfect for another poem. Your stupidity has paid off Naruto, thank you," commented Sasuke as he turned to a new page.

Glaring at him, Naruto stood atop his chair and announced to the entire student body, "I am NOT delusional!" His words were met with heckling and green beans thrown at his head.

---------- The Girls Bathroom

Sakura, Ino, Tenten and Hinata all stood in front of the long row of mirrors, each either applying a new layer of lip gloss or fluffing up their hair. "So," began Sakura. "How goes plan Get in Neji's Pants?"

Hinata grimaced at this. It was bad enough that Tenten actually liked the disgusting brute that was her cousin, but the vivid imagery as well? Ew. It reminded her all too well of a brief phase he'd gone through around a year ago when he'd decided pants were unnecessary if he was staying inside the house. It was short lived in that Hinata quickly demonstrated she had a digital camera and wasn't afraid to use it.

"Shushith!" whispered Tenten hurriedly. "The stalls have ears!"

"Okay..." Sakura said slowly, unsure of how to respond to that.

Sensing the time was right to pounce, Ino slyly asked "But Sakura, how are things with your crush going? I know you don't like Sasuke anymore, which is good 'cause I'd have to kill you, but who _do_ you like? I bet it's that dork Naruto!"

At this Hinata blushed furiously and turned in the other direction while Sakura's gag reflux was tested. "What? That moron? I had to peer edit his paper once and it turned out he'd copied the first five pages of _Moby Dick_ and replaced Ishmael with Uzumaki."

"Sor_ry_," Ino responded. "But! You didn't answer my other question!"

Shaking her head, Sakura said, "No one. At least not right now." For a while she had though that maybe... But she couldn't mention that, they'd all take it the wrong way.

Before Ino could pry any more the ending bell rang, leaving them with five minutes to get to gym.

"I hate this class, Jiraiya-sensei's the worst!" sighed Hinata, her face having returned to its normal pale coloring.

"Yeah, but at least he's a normal pervert. I feel bad for the boys, they have to put up with Orochimaru-sensei. He creeps the heck out of me!" responded Tenten.

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Note: If you did read all that, then please review! It truly makes my day.


	2. Chapter 2

Another Naruto High School Story

Written By: Kisara the Angel of Music

Disclaimer: I own nothing presented in this fanfic nor am I making any profit from it.

Note: Yay for the eight reviews I got! Thanks all! Also, I want to warn people of the very apparent OOCness in this chapter. I personally enjoy it when I'm reading humor fanfiction, but I know it gets on a lot of peoples nerves. So, if you're one of them don't read past where the setting changes to the forest. Also, since I've warned you I don't want to hear complaints about it. I know it's there, it's supposed to be.

One last thing! For these two chapters I've tried to include every character, but after this one I'm not going to do that anymore as it's hard and I think it detracts from the overall quality. So, starting chapter three it's going to be more centered around a few main characters that I like. Hope ya enjoy!

Chapter Two: In Which the Splendors of Fat Friday are Revealed

---------- The Gymnasium

"SLAM THAT BALL INO!" yelled Jiraiya, the girls' gym teacher. He didn't bother covering up his unnerving delight that they blushed whenever he mentioned volleyballs without the volley. Nor were their spirits eased when they heard from Tsunade that he'd been the one to pick out their uniforms: Very tight, revealing shorts and a matching low cut tee shirt. Hardly a good outfit for working out, but it apparently 'gets the adrenaline running'. Who it got it running for was the real question.

"I'm trying sensei!" Ino shouted back, figuring she might as well play along with his twisted game and have some fun. "But these balls are so hard! They hurt my wrists whenever I try to spike them..."

In an attempt to hid her giggling, Tenten feigned a coughing fit. This fit was quickly proven contagious when it dawned upon Sakura and Hinata what Ino had just implied. Shortly after in became apparent that it wouldn't die down, Tenten raised her hand. "Sensei, I have to go to the bathroom. You know, girl problems."

Without waiting for a response, she tore out of the gym, the remaining girls trailing after her.

Jiraiya grinned and said to himself "Once again my brilliant schemes have allowed me to shirk my responsibilities. As a reward, it's onto the teacher's lounge to raid the fridge!"

---------- The Track Field

Orochimaru strutted across the field in a manner he must have thought was seductive. It involved giving an extra 'bounce' to his footsteps and occasionally wiggling his ass. The boys gave a consecutive shudder.

"Now," he said smoothly as he caressed the nape of Naruto's neck. "Before I start you in training for the mile test, I have an important announcement to make. Because the school's guidance counselor had an..." he paused for a moment to reminisce. "An unfortunate accident, the poor soul, I will be filling in for her duties. So, if you have any troubles you wish to talk to me about, feel free to come to my very _private, confidential_ office." He stroked Naruto's cheek as he said that last sentence. Naruto looked like his face had froze when his left eye twitched and he'd been gagging on too much ramen.

Thankfully for him, Shikamaru inquired, "Should we start now sensei?"

Removing his hand begrudgingly, Orochimaru agreed. "Start with five laps around the field. And remember not to sprint in the beginning or you'll overexert yourselves. If you faint I'll have to carry you all the way to the nurse's office."

And the boys ran away as fast as they possibly could, Naruto taking the lead. The only problem was they fled the school grounds entirely, welcoming any consequences they might receive over spending another minute with their creepy teacher.

---------- Chemistry Class

Anko looked around the near empty classroom and sighed. With the exception of the four girls, Chouji was the only student present. After ten minutes of running he'd gotten too tired and decided to walk back at a sluggish pace, making it just in time for the last class of the day.

"I have to tell Orochimaru to quit scaring them off like that..." she muttered underneath her breath. "In any case, there's still a class to teach. Today we're going to go over the different phases of matter. There are three of them: liquid, solid and gas. When the temperature, or average kinetic energy, changes so does the phase. Well... Not always.

"It's kind of like having a fever. Say your body's a solid, it'll take a huge increase in temperature to melt it. But you can still increase the temperature some without being thrown in jail. Er... usually. I mean, it could be a total accident melting someone. Lets say you were just trying to make the room a bit more comfortable and then the next thing you know your lousy, cheating boyfriend's lying dead on the floor.

"But the bones are still there so you have to get rid of them somehow. But the initial energy you'd need to change the phase isn't feasible on your salary so you have to crush them instead. That's a physical change by the way. Burning someone's a chemical change because you're getting new products and-" she looked up from her tangent to find her students edging warily towards the door. "Yes. Um... Those are phase changes for you. Class dismissed!"

So slowly, as if afraid to make any sudden movements, the five left the classroom.

---------- The School Grounds

All was calm. Or however close to calm it could be at Konoha High. Sakura and Ino were playing Heck on one of the picnic tables near the school's entrance, waiting for the boys to trudge back (they always did eventually) so they could choose whose house it was turn to trash. It was a tradition that every Friday they do this, both to celebrate the end of the previous week and to procrastinate on the next one's homework. Of course, being the studious girl she was, Hinata was an exception to that rule. As it was, she was sitting nearby reviewing conjugations of irregular verbs for French. Chouji sat next to her, copying her work while he tried not to spray bits of potato chips and saliva everywhere.

It was right when Sakura was about to slap the sole remaining card and win the game that Tenten snuck up behind her and yelled "Surprise!" in a high pitched voice.

Sputtering for a moment, Sakura flailed her arms out in an attempt to keep her balance but fell backwards anyway. Cards flew everywhere, causing Ino to let out a few curses she could have only learned at a seaport.

Shaking her mighty finger of justice, Tenten said "Naughty, naughty! If Ino doesn't have a squeaky clean mouth then she won't get any of the tasty treats I bought!"

They all stopped what they were doing to stare at her, even Sakura whose head was still on the ground. "What?" came from Hinata as she lifted her eyes from her homework.

"Duh!" Tenten replied. "It's only the second Friday of the month!" she paused expectantly and looked around. Horrified at the lack of response, she exclaimed "You've never heard of Fat Friday before? It's the most wonderful day of the month! It's a time when countries stop fighting and rejoice in the spirit of goodwill and love among brothers. When families and friends alike come together to-"

"You've been eating sugar, haven't you?" Ino commented dryly.

"Yes. Yes I have. But the point is this holiday is for EVERYONE, from the dieting to the morbidly obese! Then, tomorrow at five A.M. we all meet up to jog twenty miles and burn off all the fat!"

"That's a stupid idea," stated Shikamaru as he led the boys back. "What kind of moron would intentionally eat himself into a stupor?"

However, the majority of the group being the easily influenced and somewhat incompetent bunch they were, were enthused over the idea. Especially Chouji, who hadn't eaten anything since his bag of chips several minutes ago.

As a result, they all began to travel to Tenten's abode.

---------- The Middle of a Random Forest

"How did we wind up here again?" asked Shikamaru, the only one left of sound mind. Neji had simply gone along with whatever Tenten forced upon him, as was his own way of showing his affections, and had shimmied up a tree somewhere pretending to be a pirate. Shino, good ole stoic Shino, had taken one swig of a pixie stick and the last thing they knew he'd left to go streaking around town. The last sane member, Sasuke, had just longed to be included so badly that he succumbed to peer pressure immediately and thus fell under the influence of toblerone. There's a lesson to be learned in that somewhere.

"Elementary my dear Watson," said Naruto, who was sporting a new hat and a bubble pipe. "As we headed out towards Tenten's house, Kiba caught site of a conspicuous sign saying 'Private Grounds'. Of course we had to investigate the situation. Now, lets join in the wet tee-shirt contest!" He then picked up his lightweight friend and flung themselves both into the scummy pond water.

Meanwhile, Sakura was helping Ino line up the boys in their 'New Age Feministic Wet Tee Shirt Show of Spiffyness' as Tenten had dubbed it. Due to the obvious biased views of the main judge, Ino, Sasuke was currently in the lead. "And next up we have Chouji! Come on, don't be scared. SHAKE IT CHOUJI, SHAKE IT!" As so Chouji shook it with all his might, causing his massive stomach to fling into Kiba and knock him off the 'stage' (a decaying tree that had fallen down).

Kiba pounced back on it and tackled Chouji with all his might, sending him flying. "You threw off my groove!" he shouted as he spiraled through the air.

By this time Naruto and Shikamaru had emerged from the water, both dripping with algae and other wide assortments of pond vegetation. Ignoring Shikamaru's death glare, Naruto hopped onto the stage to snag the spotlight from Lee.

With his glinting teeth Lee held the obvious upper hand, but Naruto proved to have more creativity, and quickly turned the wet tee-shirt contest into a dance off. A break-dance off, to be precise. Which, as they figured out later, doing on an already half rotten piece of wood wasn't the best of ideas.

In the middle of one of Naruto's head spins the tree collapsed into itself which sent Lee, Sasuke and Naruto tumbling down into a mass of mold and liquid that wasn't water. Kiba had used his super fast reflexes to jump onto an intact tree and began to climb up, stopping every few feet to laugh at them.

Despite this occurrence, Lee and Naruto continued to dance, humming along their own music. Sasuke just clutched his knees and began to whimper: his brand new pants were beyond repair.

So, while the festivities were fun while they lasted, they soon came to a close after the local hermit informed the police there were intruders on the town's Wildlife Preserve. Their work had only just begun, though, as there were reports of another teenage boy wearing an eye-patch who jumped roof to roof, screaming his demands for rum.

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Note: Again, if you read it please review!


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